Well I made it..back in the Land of Lincoln. It has been harder than I thought it would be! As much as I love being back here with my family, I miss my friends down south like crazy!! Also, moving back into your parents house after being on your own for three years is one of the most frustrating things ever. I don't advise it. But all in all, I'm settled in now, and just accepting the fact that this is my life now, at least for the next year or so, so I might as well embrace it.
I've started working at Victoria's Secret again, and that's been fun, but the hour drive there is not. haha it gives me a lot of time to think..which can be a good or a bad thing, but it also gives me an hour to sing to my steering wheel and that's like my favorite thing in the world! (Just gotta look on the bright side of things) All of the girls there are super sweet and totally welcoming, so it's been an easy transition. Not much has changed since I stopped working there about a year ago, so it's been super easy to jump back into things. Honestly, I feel like I never even left. I find it weird to talk about how working there is such a passion of mine, but helping other women feel beautiful and confident about their bodies really just makes me feel good. Everyone deserves to love themselves, and if I can do that everyday then I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Since being home I've found more time to focus again on my healthy eating and fitness routine. That's exactly what it is...a routine, and it's so easy to fall out of routines! When I lived in Tennessee, especially this past year it was so easy for me to just stop and get food on my way home from work instead of going home and cooking..and don't even get me started on how much alcohol I was consuming. I've been home a week and a half and have already lost 5 lbs! I can thank skipping out on the fast food for that one! I did cave and get Portillo's today, but if you don't treat yourself than you'll die, and I like being alive, okay? I'm excited to get back into the gym. I think back to 2 years ago when I was literally there every day and how great it made me feel and how different I looked and it gets me totally pumped. Ya'll know summer bodies are totally built in the winter, and I know I'm going to be tempted this holiday season.....I've already bought Christmas candy!!! So getting focused and motivated is gonna be great for me!
As for the most recent ex...he never showed up in my driveway and I'm totally okay with that. If Tennessee taught me anything it's about how to handle relationships. I've let a lot of things go in my past relationships..shrugged off not being treated well, and tried to find excuses for not feeling like I was the most important thing to them. I know what I'm worth, and I know what I deserve. To find someone who puts you above everything else and cares about what you're interested in and the things that you love has to be one of the greatest feelings of all time I would imagine, I've always been so quick to fall in love, but this time I'm trying to take things slower. I know there's no way I could handle another heartache right now, so I find myself sometimes acting sort of detached when it comes to talking to certain people...it's not on purpose at all, honestly I'm just scared, and I'm trying to work through that. Thankfully I know the right one will be patient with me.
I think that pretty much covers everything that's been going on since I've moved back! I'll see ya'll next time!
Stay Sweet
xoxo
Summer
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
More Life Realizations With Summer
I am a shitty person. We all are shitty people. That's just how life works.
I think ultimately it's part of growing up. We all have to go through that shitty person stage..some stay in it a little longer than others, and some do one shitty thing and never do it again.
As I've done some growing in these past 3 years I have realized how important it is to keep the good friends you have in your life and not do shitty things to them. I have ruined some pretty great friendships just by being a horrible person. Now it's not like I was being horrible on purpose. I didn't realize the mistakes I made until I went back and looked at some of the things I did. I'm young...I was 'in love' and I put my at the time boyfriend before my best friend, and that's a shitty thing to do.
Not all bad things come out of ruined friendships though..you learn what not to do to other friends, and you figure out the definition of a true friend. I'm not going to sit here and say that I was the only person in the wrong, because I wasn't, but the point of this post isn't to put anyone on blast.
I don't really know where I was trying to go with this..but moral of the story..just don't be a shitty person all the time. Try to be understanding, and try to be kind to everyone you meet and all of the people you decide to make a part of your life and you should be just fine.
In other news, I am so ready to move back to Illinois it's insane. There are so many amazing, great, and wonderful things that are waiting for me back home and I can't wait to share them with all of you!
Have a happy night and remember to be kind always.
xoxo,
Summer
I think ultimately it's part of growing up. We all have to go through that shitty person stage..some stay in it a little longer than others, and some do one shitty thing and never do it again.
As I've done some growing in these past 3 years I have realized how important it is to keep the good friends you have in your life and not do shitty things to them. I have ruined some pretty great friendships just by being a horrible person. Now it's not like I was being horrible on purpose. I didn't realize the mistakes I made until I went back and looked at some of the things I did. I'm young...I was 'in love' and I put my at the time boyfriend before my best friend, and that's a shitty thing to do.
Not all bad things come out of ruined friendships though..you learn what not to do to other friends, and you figure out the definition of a true friend. I'm not going to sit here and say that I was the only person in the wrong, because I wasn't, but the point of this post isn't to put anyone on blast.
I don't really know where I was trying to go with this..but moral of the story..just don't be a shitty person all the time. Try to be understanding, and try to be kind to everyone you meet and all of the people you decide to make a part of your life and you should be just fine.
In other news, I am so ready to move back to Illinois it's insane. There are so many amazing, great, and wonderful things that are waiting for me back home and I can't wait to share them with all of you!
Have a happy night and remember to be kind always.
xoxo,
Summer
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Another Life Update
Wow, I seriously haven't written anything since February.. That's actually so embarrassing I just can't. But on the plus side, I have a lot to update ya'll on, so I suppose the best way is to just get started.
Since we last spoke, I've fallen in and out of love..hard.
I met this boy (online, where else?) and I swear the chemistry was INSTANT. Ya know when you meet someone and you just know. Well that's what it was like, this guy brought out a side of me that I didn't even know I had. We were inseparable for five months, planned on moving in together, even looked at engagement rings together, but life has a funny way of working out, and all good things have to come to an end.
Guys, it's been a month and a half, and I'm still not over it. I can't even begin to tell you how many sleepless nights I've had, or days I've gone without being able to eat anything because I just feel so physically sick. I put everything I had into a relationship that ended just so out of no where. I was totally blindsided. The worst part is that he has a new girlfriend already (not as cute or as great as I am, but still) and I'm over here still trying to put the pieces of my life back together. I know we all have to go through this horrible heartache at some point in our lives, but I'm a pretty strong girl, I did not expect this break up to affect me as much as it has. I didn't even get to say goodbye or anything. He went to a softball tournament and came back and literally texted me and was like we are done. I'm even more pissed at him because he took the easy way out. I hate when guys do that. But the last time I saw him we were totally fine, getting ready for work together and making out on the couch, the whole shebang. Like I didn't even get to have a real break up with him and that pisses me off thinking about it. I want to scream and fight and yell at you and call you crazy for ending something so perfect, but all I got to do was send some rude text messages.
But my point is it hurts...and I don't know how to make the pain stop. I have gone out with other guys since, tried to find someone to fill the void, but I often find myself comparing them to him. Even the guys who far exceed him still just aren't good enough for me. I end up shutting them out after two or three dates. I've gone out with girlfriends and just did what you're supposed to do at 23 years old, but still just gone home and have felt so empty. I have exhausted all of my options at this point, and am starting to think I may never get completely over it..but here's to hoping that I can get over it at least enough to have a somewhat normal relationship down the road.
When you fall that quickly and that hard things are rough. He was my best friend, and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and it all ended and I quite frankly don't even know what I did to make him want to end it. We talked all the time about spending the rest of our lives together and how much in love we were. I literally wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this guy and I was so excited to be able to spend every single day with him. Looking back now I took the time we spent together for granted and I hate myself for it. I spent too much time checking my phone when I was with him and not enough time enjoying what I had right in front of me. Granted, he had been texting this other girl non stop for the entire last month of our relationship, so he's really to blame, but I can't help but sit there and blame myself. Like what if I just did this one thing different, would he still be with me, would we be buying furniture like we had originally planned, would we be getting ready for our trip north so he could meet my parents? Who knows. I don't know. I'm having the hardest time with this and I don't really know where else to turn. If any of ya'll have any advice, I'd be so happy to hear it, because as much as I hate to admit my faults, I need help.
I don't want to let this ruin the rest of my life. I sound dramatic, even to myself right now, but it's true. It's hard.
Anyway, since all of this has gone down, and I'm just not happy in general anymore, because everything reminds me of him, I have decided to move back north and back in with my parents. I need to take a break and really find myself, and I think that's when the real healing process with start. I can be away from things that trigger my thinking about him, and I can put my focus back into my job and my family. I think it will be good to go back home and reconnect with family and old friends. I am hoping this is the right decision for me...but in the back of my mind I can't help but think that once I leave, that's when it's really over between him and I. There's no chance of us ever working once I pack my bags and drive away, and that scares the shit out of me. Even though I know I shouldn't be with him anyway, because he's a total asshole who cheated on me, I still wait everyday for the text where he's telling me he's sorry and that he made a huge mistake. I come home from work everyday just hoping that he'll be waiting in my driveway, with the open arms that I remember, that I used to love coming home to. Living your life like that fucking sucks. because deep deep down you know it's never going to happen, and even if it did happen it wouldn't be a good thing, but everything inside you wants so desperatley for it to happen. I'm rambbling now. the point is that I'm saying goodbye to the sweet south where I have found myself and made a home for the past 3 years. The south has got its roots dug deep in me however, so I can say for sure I won't be up north forever. I know I'll find my way back down here. I may be a yankee by birth, but this girl is as southern as they come. I'll be headed up north in early november, and if everything works the way I want it to, I'm going to be video documenting my whole experience with it. So stay tuned for more updates on that.
I love ya'll. thank you for not judging me when I go on my rambles, and please tell me at least one of you have felt this way, and that I'm not a total crazy person.
Since we last spoke, I've fallen in and out of love..hard.
I met this boy (online, where else?) and I swear the chemistry was INSTANT. Ya know when you meet someone and you just know. Well that's what it was like, this guy brought out a side of me that I didn't even know I had. We were inseparable for five months, planned on moving in together, even looked at engagement rings together, but life has a funny way of working out, and all good things have to come to an end.
Guys, it's been a month and a half, and I'm still not over it. I can't even begin to tell you how many sleepless nights I've had, or days I've gone without being able to eat anything because I just feel so physically sick. I put everything I had into a relationship that ended just so out of no where. I was totally blindsided. The worst part is that he has a new girlfriend already (not as cute or as great as I am, but still) and I'm over here still trying to put the pieces of my life back together. I know we all have to go through this horrible heartache at some point in our lives, but I'm a pretty strong girl, I did not expect this break up to affect me as much as it has. I didn't even get to say goodbye or anything. He went to a softball tournament and came back and literally texted me and was like we are done. I'm even more pissed at him because he took the easy way out. I hate when guys do that. But the last time I saw him we were totally fine, getting ready for work together and making out on the couch, the whole shebang. Like I didn't even get to have a real break up with him and that pisses me off thinking about it. I want to scream and fight and yell at you and call you crazy for ending something so perfect, but all I got to do was send some rude text messages.
But my point is it hurts...and I don't know how to make the pain stop. I have gone out with other guys since, tried to find someone to fill the void, but I often find myself comparing them to him. Even the guys who far exceed him still just aren't good enough for me. I end up shutting them out after two or three dates. I've gone out with girlfriends and just did what you're supposed to do at 23 years old, but still just gone home and have felt so empty. I have exhausted all of my options at this point, and am starting to think I may never get completely over it..but here's to hoping that I can get over it at least enough to have a somewhat normal relationship down the road.
When you fall that quickly and that hard things are rough. He was my best friend, and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and it all ended and I quite frankly don't even know what I did to make him want to end it. We talked all the time about spending the rest of our lives together and how much in love we were. I literally wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this guy and I was so excited to be able to spend every single day with him. Looking back now I took the time we spent together for granted and I hate myself for it. I spent too much time checking my phone when I was with him and not enough time enjoying what I had right in front of me. Granted, he had been texting this other girl non stop for the entire last month of our relationship, so he's really to blame, but I can't help but sit there and blame myself. Like what if I just did this one thing different, would he still be with me, would we be buying furniture like we had originally planned, would we be getting ready for our trip north so he could meet my parents? Who knows. I don't know. I'm having the hardest time with this and I don't really know where else to turn. If any of ya'll have any advice, I'd be so happy to hear it, because as much as I hate to admit my faults, I need help.
I don't want to let this ruin the rest of my life. I sound dramatic, even to myself right now, but it's true. It's hard.
Anyway, since all of this has gone down, and I'm just not happy in general anymore, because everything reminds me of him, I have decided to move back north and back in with my parents. I need to take a break and really find myself, and I think that's when the real healing process with start. I can be away from things that trigger my thinking about him, and I can put my focus back into my job and my family. I think it will be good to go back home and reconnect with family and old friends. I am hoping this is the right decision for me...but in the back of my mind I can't help but think that once I leave, that's when it's really over between him and I. There's no chance of us ever working once I pack my bags and drive away, and that scares the shit out of me. Even though I know I shouldn't be with him anyway, because he's a total asshole who cheated on me, I still wait everyday for the text where he's telling me he's sorry and that he made a huge mistake. I come home from work everyday just hoping that he'll be waiting in my driveway, with the open arms that I remember, that I used to love coming home to. Living your life like that fucking sucks. because deep deep down you know it's never going to happen, and even if it did happen it wouldn't be a good thing, but everything inside you wants so desperatley for it to happen. I'm rambbling now. the point is that I'm saying goodbye to the sweet south where I have found myself and made a home for the past 3 years. The south has got its roots dug deep in me however, so I can say for sure I won't be up north forever. I know I'll find my way back down here. I may be a yankee by birth, but this girl is as southern as they come. I'll be headed up north in early november, and if everything works the way I want it to, I'm going to be video documenting my whole experience with it. So stay tuned for more updates on that.
I love ya'll. thank you for not judging me when I go on my rambles, and please tell me at least one of you have felt this way, and that I'm not a total crazy person.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
"What Are You Looking For?"
I really hate referring to myself as a dating 'expert' mostly because that would imply that I actually get to go on a lot of dates...false..but I have had conversations with enough of the opposite sex to know what's what about the topic. Aside from the typical questions I'm asked every time I match with someone new on tinder...ya know, "What do you do?" "What do you do for fun?" "Is your name Summer because you're hot?" and my all time favorite "Will you sit on my face?", there is one that sticks out a lot to me...."What do you look for in a guy?" Now I'm asked this question at least once a day, and it's made me think a lot. Not about what I'm necessarily 'looking' for, but I found my self wondering if people ever actually find EVERYTHING they're looking for. I'm writing this post to tell you my answer to this question:
I think if I were to go around with a list of things that I did/didn't want in a guy I would never be happy. Let's be honest...my dream guy list is pretty extensive. I've gotten in the habit of leaving someone or becoming disinterested in them the second they say something/do something that I find doesn't meet my 'list'. There could be character traits out there that I didn't even know I liked..if I go into a relationship with a closed off mind, how would I ever figure that out? Another point..how is going into a date with a list of expectations fair to that guy at all? Dating is hard. REALLY hard. But it's supposed to feel fun. I'm not going to put you on the hot seat the minute we sit down to dinner, that's just crazy. So I want you, the next time you go on a date to go in with an open mind. You may find out that you actually can have a good time, and you won't be running home to your roommate saying "everything was perfect....but" (unless that but is that he was rude, or like did drugs with you in the car or something like that...those things are never okay).
Switching gears now to something I've learned during my time spent meeting new people...ALWAYS be yourself. I have found it so so so much easier. I've stopped walking around my room to get that perfect selfie lighting for a snapchat (don't judge me), I've stopped trying to put on a front. The way I see it is..you're going to like me...or you're not going to like me. If you come over at 10 o'clock after I've been at work all day, you can expect me to be in sweatpants with my hair up. Let's get real..I've been at work in heels and a dress all day. I want to be comfy if you're coming over for pizza and beer. (replace beer with whiskey, I'm a girl, and we don't drink beer). But really. I hope someone understands where I'm coming from. I feel like this is a hard topic to get your point across on. Obviously I'm not going to be a slob every time I see you, but sometimes I just don't want to try, and you should be okay with that, because I expect you to do the same.
So tune in next week with another "dating advice from the girl who goes on zero dates"
I know, I know, I'm hilarious.
xoxo,
Summer
I think if I were to go around with a list of things that I did/didn't want in a guy I would never be happy. Let's be honest...my dream guy list is pretty extensive. I've gotten in the habit of leaving someone or becoming disinterested in them the second they say something/do something that I find doesn't meet my 'list'. There could be character traits out there that I didn't even know I liked..if I go into a relationship with a closed off mind, how would I ever figure that out? Another point..how is going into a date with a list of expectations fair to that guy at all? Dating is hard. REALLY hard. But it's supposed to feel fun. I'm not going to put you on the hot seat the minute we sit down to dinner, that's just crazy. So I want you, the next time you go on a date to go in with an open mind. You may find out that you actually can have a good time, and you won't be running home to your roommate saying "everything was perfect....but" (unless that but is that he was rude, or like did drugs with you in the car or something like that...those things are never okay).
Switching gears now to something I've learned during my time spent meeting new people...ALWAYS be yourself. I have found it so so so much easier. I've stopped walking around my room to get that perfect selfie lighting for a snapchat (don't judge me), I've stopped trying to put on a front. The way I see it is..you're going to like me...or you're not going to like me. If you come over at 10 o'clock after I've been at work all day, you can expect me to be in sweatpants with my hair up. Let's get real..I've been at work in heels and a dress all day. I want to be comfy if you're coming over for pizza and beer. (replace beer with whiskey, I'm a girl, and we don't drink beer). But really. I hope someone understands where I'm coming from. I feel like this is a hard topic to get your point across on. Obviously I'm not going to be a slob every time I see you, but sometimes I just don't want to try, and you should be okay with that, because I expect you to do the same.
So tune in next week with another "dating advice from the girl who goes on zero dates"
I know, I know, I'm hilarious.
xoxo,
Summer
Monday, January 19, 2015
If You're Not First, You're Last
I am a perfectionist...so normally I'm not one to pick out my flaws and talk about them all over the internet. Then I remember that I'm a real person, and that I'm not 'perfect' and I sit down and write a blog about it. Today I want to talk about a problem that I have that recently has REALLY started to bother me.
I am such a sore loser. Like seriously....the worst. I am super competitive by nature, and always have been. It's cute when you're young, but as an adult it's really starting to embarrass me. I need to remember that I am NOT the best at EVERYTHING, and I'm not going to be.
Honestly, I have no idea where I was going with this, and have TOTALLY lost my train of thought, so I'm going to switch gears a little...
Today I posted a status on Facebook about finally being the happiest that I have been in a really long time. Maybe my whole life even. I have gone through a lot in the last year, and to finally be putting it all behind me is taking a lot of stress and unhappiness off of my shoulders. I have learned that life is too precious and short to be staying angry and being filled with resentment towards people who may have hurt us in the past. Being mad will get you nowhere. Trust me.
So, I want to encourage you to let go of any anger you may have towards anything. Channel that anger into changing your life around. That's what I did, and it worked out great. If you take a step back and look at all of the things in your life that make you truly happy; i.e. living with your best friend, talking to cute boys, and eating cheese fries, you'll realize that you're a bad bitch and no one can tell you different.
At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself. If ex boyfriends hate you, let them hate you...like they're an ex and you're better off without them.
These are the best years of my life, so I'm not going to let anger and resentment hold me back from enjoying my time.
Cheers to the New Year!
xoxo
Summer
I am such a sore loser. Like seriously....the worst. I am super competitive by nature, and always have been. It's cute when you're young, but as an adult it's really starting to embarrass me. I need to remember that I am NOT the best at EVERYTHING, and I'm not going to be.
Honestly, I have no idea where I was going with this, and have TOTALLY lost my train of thought, so I'm going to switch gears a little...
Today I posted a status on Facebook about finally being the happiest that I have been in a really long time. Maybe my whole life even. I have gone through a lot in the last year, and to finally be putting it all behind me is taking a lot of stress and unhappiness off of my shoulders. I have learned that life is too precious and short to be staying angry and being filled with resentment towards people who may have hurt us in the past. Being mad will get you nowhere. Trust me.
So, I want to encourage you to let go of any anger you may have towards anything. Channel that anger into changing your life around. That's what I did, and it worked out great. If you take a step back and look at all of the things in your life that make you truly happy; i.e. living with your best friend, talking to cute boys, and eating cheese fries, you'll realize that you're a bad bitch and no one can tell you different.
At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself. If ex boyfriends hate you, let them hate you...like they're an ex and you're better off without them.
These are the best years of my life, so I'm not going to let anger and resentment hold me back from enjoying my time.
Cheers to the New Year!
xoxo
Summer
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Let Me Tell Ya Bout My Best Friend
Sometimes you go through life wondering if anyone will ever understand you. I was one of those girls growing up who always seemed to be the 'third wheel' in friendships. Nothing wrong with that really. I was the one that got to hear all of the dirt on the other one and no one really ever had anything bad to say about me because I wasn't around enough for them to get sick of me.
I remember in high school seeing girl's posts on facebook of their girls' nights and being sad because I never was apart of them. I mean it was mostly my choice. I'm not one for drama, and I'm not one for spending time with someone who 2 days prior sat and talked a ton of shit about me.
The older I got the more concerned I became....like when I get married one day who the heck would I have in my wedding?! I mean sure there were the girls I always talked with at work and stuff, but after my shift was done I wouldn't talk to them until the next time I worked. I had friends in college, but after I left that was it..we all kind of just went our separate ways.
I'm a huge believer in the saying 'everything happens for a reason' and I honestly 100% believe that the reason I met that loser online and ended up moving to Memphis is so that I could meet my absolute best friend and sister Lauren. She literally is the only person that knows everything about me and still thinks I'm great. She loves me for all of my flaws and that's the best thing about a best friend. I mean I'm by no means perfect, but she's still there for me all the time.
We have had our disagreements, but it's all been for the best and has only made us closer friends. There's no pettiness EVER, and we are just fun. Like she got me sick, and I didn't even care! There's no one else I'd rather be stuck at home with! Granted I'm so ready for us to be over this sickness so we can get back to our double tinder dates, and margarita nights!
I am basically writing you this to tell you not to be discouraged. It took me 22 years to find my best friend! But I'm so so glad I did!
I love you Lauren! I can't wait for this summer because we are going to make so many new friends, and have so so so much fun! I'm sure there will be nights when we are up crying over stupid boys, but I promise to be right there for you through everything and the next night we will have hotter guys buying our drinks!
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I remember in high school seeing girl's posts on facebook of their girls' nights and being sad because I never was apart of them. I mean it was mostly my choice. I'm not one for drama, and I'm not one for spending time with someone who 2 days prior sat and talked a ton of shit about me.
The older I got the more concerned I became....like when I get married one day who the heck would I have in my wedding?! I mean sure there were the girls I always talked with at work and stuff, but after my shift was done I wouldn't talk to them until the next time I worked. I had friends in college, but after I left that was it..we all kind of just went our separate ways.
I'm a huge believer in the saying 'everything happens for a reason' and I honestly 100% believe that the reason I met that loser online and ended up moving to Memphis is so that I could meet my absolute best friend and sister Lauren. She literally is the only person that knows everything about me and still thinks I'm great. She loves me for all of my flaws and that's the best thing about a best friend. I mean I'm by no means perfect, but she's still there for me all the time.
We have had our disagreements, but it's all been for the best and has only made us closer friends. There's no pettiness EVER, and we are just fun. Like she got me sick, and I didn't even care! There's no one else I'd rather be stuck at home with! Granted I'm so ready for us to be over this sickness so we can get back to our double tinder dates, and margarita nights!
I am basically writing you this to tell you not to be discouraged. It took me 22 years to find my best friend! But I'm so so glad I did!
I love you Lauren! I can't wait for this summer because we are going to make so many new friends, and have so so so much fun! I'm sure there will be nights when we are up crying over stupid boys, but I promise to be right there for you through everything and the next night we will have hotter guys buying our drinks!
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