Another Life Update

Wow, I seriously haven't written anything since February.. That's actually so embarrassing I just can't.  But on the plus side, I have a lot to update ya'll on, so I suppose the best way is to just get started.
Since we last spoke, I've fallen in and out of love..hard.

I met this boy (online, where else?) and I swear the chemistry was INSTANT. Ya know when you meet someone and you just know. Well that's what it was like, this guy brought out a side of me that I didn't even know I had.  We were inseparable for five months, planned on moving in together, even looked at engagement rings together, but life has a funny way of working out, and all good things have to come to an end.
Guys, it's been a month and a half, and I'm still not over it.  I can't even begin to tell you how many sleepless nights I've had, or days I've gone without being able to eat anything because I just feel so physically sick.  I put everything I had into a relationship that ended just so out of no where.  I was totally blindsided.  The worst part is that he has a new girlfriend already (not as cute or as great as I am, but still) and I'm over here still trying to put the pieces of my life back together.  I know we all have to go through this horrible heartache at some point in our lives, but I'm a pretty strong girl, I did not expect this break up to affect me as much as it has.  I didn't even get to say goodbye or anything.  He went to a softball tournament and came back and literally texted me and was like we are done.  I'm even more pissed at him because he took the easy way out.  I hate when guys do that.  But the last time I saw him we were totally fine, getting ready for work together and making out on the couch, the whole shebang.  Like I didn't even get to have a real break up with him and that pisses me off thinking about it.  I want to scream and fight and yell at you and call you crazy for ending something so perfect, but all I got to do was send some rude text messages.
But my point is it hurts...and I don't know how to make the pain stop.  I have gone out with other guys since, tried to find someone to fill the void, but I often find myself comparing them to him.  Even the guys who far exceed him still just aren't good enough for me.  I end up shutting them out after two or three dates. I've gone out with girlfriends and just did what you're supposed to do at 23 years old, but still just gone home and have felt so empty. I have exhausted all of my options at this point, and am starting to think I may never get completely over it..but here's to hoping that I can get over it at least enough to have a somewhat normal relationship down the road.
When you fall that quickly and that hard things are rough.  He was my best friend, and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and it all ended and I quite frankly don't even know what I did to make him want to end it.  We talked all the time about spending the rest of our lives together and how much in love we were.  I literally wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this guy and I was so excited to be able to spend every single day with him.  Looking back now I took the time we spent together for granted and I hate myself for it.  I spent too much time checking my phone when I was with him and not enough time enjoying what I had right in front of me.  Granted, he had been texting this other girl non stop for the entire last month of our relationship, so he's really to blame, but I can't help but sit there and blame myself.  Like what if I just did this one thing different, would he still be with me, would we be buying furniture like we had originally planned, would we be getting ready for our trip north so he could meet my parents? Who knows. I don't know.  I'm having the hardest time with this and I don't really know where else to turn.  If any of ya'll have any advice, I'd be so happy to hear it, because as much as I hate to admit my faults, I need help.
I don't want to let this ruin the rest of my life.  I sound dramatic, even to myself right now, but it's true.  It's hard.

Anyway, since all of this has gone down, and I'm just not happy in general anymore, because everything reminds me of him, I have decided to move back north and back in with my parents.  I need to take a break and really find myself, and I think that's when the real healing process with start.  I can be away from things that trigger my thinking about him, and I can put my focus back into my job and my family. I think it will be good to go back home and reconnect with family and old friends.  I am hoping this is the right decision for me...but in the back of my mind I can't help but think that once I leave, that's when it's really over between him and I.  There's no chance of us ever working once I pack my bags and drive away, and that scares the shit out of me.  Even though I know I shouldn't be with him anyway, because he's a total asshole who cheated on me, I still wait everyday for the text where he's telling me he's sorry and that he made a huge mistake.  I come home from work everyday just hoping that he'll be waiting in my driveway, with the open arms that I remember, that I used to love coming home to. Living your life like that fucking sucks. because deep deep down you know it's never going to happen, and even if it did happen it wouldn't be a good thing, but everything inside you wants so desperatley for it to happen.  I'm rambbling now.  the point is that I'm saying goodbye to the sweet south where I have found myself and made a home for the past 3 years.  The south has got its roots dug deep in me however, so I can say for sure I won't be up north forever.  I know I'll find my way back down here.  I may be a yankee by birth, but this girl is as southern as they come. I'll be headed up north in early november, and if everything works the way I want it to, I'm going to be video documenting my whole experience with it.  So stay tuned for more updates on that.

I love ya'll.  thank you for not judging me when I go on my rambles, and please tell me at least one of you have felt this way, and that I'm not a total crazy person.

"What Are You Looking For?"

I really hate  referring to myself as a dating 'expert' mostly because that would imply that I actually get to go on a lot of dates...false..but I have had conversations with enough of the opposite sex to know what's what about the topic.  Aside from the typical questions I'm asked every time I match with someone new on tinder...ya know, "What do you do?" "What do you do for fun?" "Is your name Summer because you're hot?" and my all time favorite "Will you sit on my face?",  there is one that sticks out a lot to me...."What do you look for in a guy?"  Now I'm asked this question at least once a day, and it's made me think a lot. Not about what I'm necessarily 'looking' for, but I found my self wondering if people ever actually find EVERYTHING they're looking for.  I'm writing this post to tell you my answer to this question:

I think if I were to go around with a list of things that I did/didn't want in a guy I would never be happy.  Let's be honest...my dream guy list is pretty extensive. I've gotten in the habit of leaving someone or becoming disinterested in them the second they say something/do something that I find doesn't meet my 'list'.  There could be character traits out there that I didn't even know I liked..if I go into a relationship with a closed off mind, how would I ever figure that out? Another point..how is going into a date with a list of expectations fair to that guy at all? Dating is hard. REALLY hard. But it's supposed to feel fun.  I'm not going to put you on the hot seat the minute we sit down to dinner, that's just crazy. So I want you, the next time you go on a date to go in with an open mind. You may find out that you actually can have a good time, and you won't be running home to your roommate saying "everything was perfect....but" (unless that but is that he was rude, or like did drugs with you in the car or something like that...those things are never okay).



Switching gears now to something I've learned during my time spent meeting new people...ALWAYS be yourself.  I have found it so so so much easier.  I've stopped walking around my room to get that perfect selfie lighting for a snapchat (don't judge me), I've stopped trying to put on a front.  The way I see it is..you're going to like me...or you're not going to like me. If you come over at 10 o'clock after I've been at work all day, you can expect me to be in sweatpants with my hair up. Let's get real..I've been at work in heels and a dress all day. I want to be comfy if you're coming over for pizza and beer. (replace beer with whiskey, I'm a girl, and we don't drink beer). But really. I hope someone understands where I'm coming from. I feel like this is a hard topic to get your point across on.  Obviously I'm not going to be a slob every time I see you, but sometimes I just don't want to try, and you should be okay with that, because I expect you to do the same.

So tune in next week with another "dating advice from the girl who goes on zero dates"
I know, I know, I'm hilarious.

xoxo,
Summer

If You're Not First, You're Last

I am a perfectionist...so normally I'm not one to pick out my flaws and talk about them all over the internet.  Then I remember that I'm a real person, and that I'm not 'perfect' and I sit down and write a blog about it.  Today I want to talk about a problem that I have that recently has REALLY started to bother me.

I am such a sore loser. Like seriously....the worst. I am super competitive by nature, and always have been. It's cute when you're young, but as an adult it's really starting to embarrass me.  I need to remember that I am NOT the best at EVERYTHING, and I'm not going to be.

Honestly, I have no idea where I was going with this, and have TOTALLY lost my train of thought, so I'm going to switch gears a little...

Today I posted a status on Facebook about finally being the happiest that I have been in a really long time. Maybe my whole life even.  I have gone through a lot in the last year, and to finally be putting it all behind me is taking a lot of stress and unhappiness off of my shoulders.  I have learned that life is too precious and short to be staying angry and being filled with resentment towards people who may have hurt us in the past.  Being mad will get you nowhere.  Trust me.

So, I want to encourage you to let go of any anger you may have towards anything.  Channel that anger into changing your life around.  That's what I did, and it worked out great.  If you take a step back and look at all of the things in your life that make you truly happy; i.e. living with your best friend, talking to cute boys, and eating cheese fries, you'll realize that you're a bad bitch and no one can tell you different.

At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself.  If ex boyfriends hate you, let them hate you...like they're an ex and you're better off without them.

These are the best years of my life, so I'm not going to let anger and resentment hold me back from enjoying my time.

Cheers to the New Year!

xoxo
Summer

Let Me Tell Ya Bout My Best Friend

Sometimes you go through life wondering if anyone will ever understand you.  I was one of those girls growing up who always seemed to be the 'third wheel' in friendships. Nothing wrong with that really. I was the one that got to hear all of the dirt on the other one and no one really ever had anything bad to say about me because I wasn't around enough for them to get sick of me.

I remember in high school seeing girl's posts on facebook of their girls' nights and being sad because I never was apart of them. I mean it was mostly my choice. I'm not one for drama, and I'm not one for spending time with someone who 2 days prior sat and talked a ton of shit about me.

The older I got the more concerned I became....like when I get married one day who the heck would I have in my wedding?! I mean sure there were the girls I always talked with at work and stuff, but after my shift was done I wouldn't talk to them until the next time I worked. I had friends in college, but after I left that was it..we all kind of just went our separate ways.

I'm a huge believer in the saying 'everything happens for a reason' and I honestly 100% believe that the reason I met that loser online and ended up moving to Memphis is so that I could meet my absolute best friend and sister Lauren. She literally is the only person that knows everything about me and still thinks I'm great.  She loves me for all of my flaws and that's the best thing about a best friend. I mean I'm by no means perfect, but she's still there for me all the time.

We have had our disagreements, but it's all been for the best and has only made us closer friends.  There's no pettiness EVER, and we are just fun. Like she got me sick, and I didn't even care! There's no one else I'd rather be stuck at home with! Granted I'm so ready for us to be over this sickness so we can get back to our double tinder dates, and margarita nights!

I am basically writing you this to tell you not to be discouraged.  It took me 22 years to find my best friend! But I'm so so glad I did!

I love you Lauren! I can't wait for this summer because we are going to make so many new friends, and have so so so much fun! I'm sure there will be nights when we are up crying over stupid boys, but I promise to be right there for you through everything and the next night we will have hotter guys buying our drinks!

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire!

Hello all of my wonderful internet friends! Did you miss me? So sorry my life has been under construction for the past like month and a half, it’s fine.  I have a really good story out of it, so that makes it all worth it, right?

For those of you who have been with me since I was @perfect_belle on twitter, you should know that that great app lead me to a guy for whom I uprooted my whole life and moved south for.  It has been 2…almost 3 years now since that has happened, but things change..and they did. 

Could you imagine living with someone for 2 and a half years, and then finding out that the whole entire time they were lying to you? Like just try to imagine. That’s what happened to me.  The man boy I was living with had been telling me he was a professor at a pretty elite school, when in fact..he was working at FedEx.  Yeah, I can’t make this shit up.

Let’s back track to when it kind of started:  In February he had told me he lost his job (the one at the college) and that he had to move back to Louisiana where he’s from. Since apparently there was no room for me at his grandparents house where he was going, I decided to stay here and just keep working until he found a new job. Fast forward to October….it’s been 8 months since I have seen the guy. At this point I was already so checked out that I didn’t even care anymore..like if I’m not worth a 7 hour drive every couple of weekends, I’m obviously not worth much to you. I think he could tell that I was on the verge of leaving anyway, so one night I get a text saying that he actually worked at FedEx. Yada yada yada, there was a long conversation after that which eventually ended up in me dumping him.  Like I can’t be with someone who is going to lie about something so insignificant.  And it made me realize that a lot of other stuff he probably told me was a lie as well.  I’m like 110% sure he’s cheated on me before (shout out to @sportsbar_belle for bringing it to my attention, and sorry for not listening to ya then girl!), although he swears up and down that nothing ever happened. But yeah. Now y’all know. Let this be a lesson to just not date anyone from twitter ever.

So after all of this went down I decided it was time for a change in my life.  My friend and coworker Lauren and I got an apartment together, and we have been having the time of our lives. Single Summer, and Drunk Summer are most definitely my two favorite Summers, and they’ve been gone for a long time.  I’m fun again, so if you live close or want to come to Memphis for the weekend just let me know and we will have a great time. 

Meal Prep

So my meal prepping is probably the most basic in the whole world.  I am not a serious hard core muscle builder, so I'm not taking time measuring any nutrients out or anything like that.  This is the most simple way that I know how to do it, and it helps a lot when I'm running around and have seconds to pack a whole days worth of meals in the morning.
If you read my last post you saw everything I got on my grocery list, so I will just hop right in to what I prepare!

• Cucumbers and celery- I was and cut these up so that they're in ready to eat pieces.  They make a great addition to a lunch, or they're great for snacking in the middle of the day! If they're ready to eat I will be more likely to eat them and they will be less likely to sit in the back of my fridge and rot!
• Brown rice- I find that 2 cups of rice normally lasts me the longest without going bad or anything, so I boil that and put it in one big Tupperware.  I'll spoon it out and warm it up as I need it.  I think it saves more space rather than putting it out in separate containers. 
• Chicken- I normally do 4 chicken breasts at once.  This time I did two of them with my famous seasoning and the other two I just used low sodium teriyaki sauce. I cut the cooked pieces into littler pieces and put them into containers.  This way it's easier to just throw them over rice or over a salad or however I want to eat them. 

And that's basically all I do.  If I need to make a batch of granola for the week I usually would do that too, but I had plenty to last me for the week.  There are things that I eat throughout the week that don't get prepared on meal prep days.  Since the chicken sausage I buy is already pre cooked I will just cut that up the day I want to have it and warm it up with my rice.  I also use the steam fresh veggies, just because it's easier to me, so I will steam those on a daily basis too.  I make sweet potato fries basically almost every day (I'm beyond obsessed with them) but I have found that they taste better when they're cut fresh, so I cut those up on the day that I cook them as well. 

I hoped this helped some of you who are looking to start meal prepping! Like I said in the beginning this is totally just a basic routine, and just what I normally do on a weekly basis. 

xoxo, 

Summer

Grocery Haul!

Hey guys! So I don't know about you, but I'm OBSESSED with grocery shopping.  It's one of my favorite past times.  No idea why, but something about it is just so relaxing to me..please tell me I'm not the only one.  Tonight I went on a much needed grocery trip.  I literally was out of EVERYTHING. I had been snacking on a pack of club crackers for the past 2 days (so sad, I know) anyway, I thought I'd share with you the things that I picked up.  I know back to school is starting, and once school time comes around it's so easier to just grab fast food on your way home, or go out for late night snacks while studying.  My plan is to post some easy recipes on here for y'all that can help curb your cravings, and still not completely ruining your diet! I have some great breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner ideas that I think everyone can enjoy! As a disclaimer I am by no meas a nutritionist, and I know only what I've read about health. I just eat what makes ME feel my best.  I know that not everything I eat or buy at the grocery store is healthy either..but I just do what works for ME.  Hopefully this will inspire you guys to clean up your cart a little, if one person gets inspired than my job here is done.

• steamed veggies packs
• frozen berries
• sweet potatoes
• lettuce
• celery
• cucumber
• yogurt
• almond milk
• sharp cheddar cheese
• deli turkey
• deli provolone cheese
• coffee drinks
• chicken sausage
• balance bars
• raisin bran crunch
• skinny pop
• pita bread
• caramel corn rice cakes

This grocery haul cost about $73 and should last me about 2 - 2 1/2 weeks.  I didn't need to buy chicken this time around because I have a bunch from the last time.  I will be posting my meal prep routine in the very near future....I PROMISE!! And I'll be posting snack recipes and lunch on the go ideas as well! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and I will talk to you soon! 

xoxo